Monday, December 30, 2013

The Bob Benjamin Morrison Ogden Coup...................by Diane Ogden

I think I am going crazy.  Gracie Allen is following my every step and scratching on my legs to be held and so on.  Lucy is meowing 24/7 so I am trying to appease her.  She has been in the background of Bob for so long she is upset.  She has had to play the ars end of the hierarchy ladder in this house for almost a year.  I suspect she is up to her eyeballs in pissed off.  Actually it appears to be more like she is a gentle sweetheart who just wants time back with her mama, mwah.  Gracie too.  What to do?  Bob doesn't give a crap. He is a super passive young male feline who wonders what all the hullabaloo is about.  He is a bit pushy but only a bit.  Nothing like the drama the other two are experiencing and passing along to me.  This is a dang critter nightmare.  I have given them all my all.  I think in my hour of definite despair that they all need to get a life inside this little apartment.  Its not like I haven't gotten them any toys etc.  And or love and attention.  They are all in my bed every night and they surround me like a wagon train in being attack - every day.  I need a vacation from them.

My point is that suddenly before the new year arrives they seem to know it by the way.....Lucy and Gracie have pulled rank on Bob Benjamin Morrison Ogden.  They are putting him back from his number one position. Back down in the chair and off the table by the laptop! And my life has been turned into mush from this nutzo mess!  I want to go to work!  I had to stay home today due to my helper getting the flu-ey!  No more thank you.    And my New Years Resolution is that they all deal with it.  I feel like that guy on TLC who has way too many flippin wives and children.  (I cant watch that crap but I see the ads. SICKO)  Now I suppose I will end up on the nightly news for saying having 6 wives and 30 children is SICKO.  Hey, bring it on!)
P.S.  Bob doesn't give a hoot about all this.  He just goes and lays down somewhere else.  The other two are the nut cases in turn obliging mwah of the same.  HELP!

Sunday, December 29, 2013

The Thief...............................by Diane Ogden

Obviously Bob Benjamin Morrison Ogden is the thief indeed.  He is a jealous soul. I dislike jealous people and animals.  WHY would the Universe send me more jealous souls into my life when I dislike that nasty spirit so badly.  Jealously is awful.  Jealousy is a bully.  Jealousy is all consuming and it takes over and it fills the room with yuk.  \ (  
Grace has a jealous spirit.  Bob has a jealous spirit.  A couple close family members have it lest I say no names so to be safe.  Grace follows me every minute of my day wanting to be held.  And every minute of my night wanting to be closer to me than Bob.  
Bob does not follow me.  He rather chases Lucy down and steals her chair bed, her spot on the cat tree, and if she jumps on the bed at night where she has slept for years, he chases her away.  I have to get up and give him a small swat along with a loud NO!  So far it is not working.  He tries to steal her food, and when she poo's he crouches down like he is going to get her in her intimately private moment of pooing.  Again I shout Nooo Bob!
This time I caught a pic of the thief in action!  Seeping in Lucy's chair bed!
So.....this is the bad side of my Bob.  And it's a bad side indeed!  Doesn't he look proud of himself though?  Oh Lord help me!   This is the way it used to be....Lucy and Gracie Allen!
                                            The Bed Takeover.....below.  Grace and Bob...no Lucy  :(

Thursday, December 26, 2013

The Christmas Candy Cane....................by Diane Ogden

Today I got all my presents wrapped and placed under the tree while I had a dang fever of near 100 degrees!  Then I finished a couple other weekend chores before I sat down to check facebook to see what other people are doing today.  Or because I am just bored.  We got mega snow overnight so traveling about was not an option.  Nor was it due to the dang fever.

I sat on the sofa to catch a bit or rest and some of  Long Island Medium show.    As I was resting along strolls passive Bob Benjamin Morrison Ogden very carefully like a Lion prowling over to the presents.  He surveyed the gifts, all of which have no bows.  Only one package has a candy cane taped onto the outside with one little piece of scotch tape.  He reached for that candy cane and called it his own.  I did not know cats liked peppermint.  Actually it is an organic peppermint candy cane.  Must be a difference.

           He started out on top of the cushion until his large derriere dragged him down.  He is hanging on by his nails.  He doesn't look too uncomfortable does he?  Should have seen it from the other side!  I was vacuuming, that is why the upside down stool next to Bob.  
                                                              More "Cat Tales" later.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

FOOD! Gimmie my FOOD..................by Diane Ogden

I no longer free feed Bob Ogden.  He is fifteen pounds and cant jump very far at all.  He needs steps to get up on about anything.  He gets 1/2 dish a.m. and p.m.  Hope that is enough.
I mix up several different dry cat foods in a dish and then transfer that to large jars.  I was in the process of doing the above when Bob B.M.O. jumps up on bar stool, then to counter top, then high wire walks the sink to get to the huge bowl of food. And in her went FEET FIRST!  He must have thought he had struck oil in human terms of thought anyway.  Maybe he just thought WOW, FOOD.  And he began eating and I let him!  For a while anyway.  Mr. Bob B.M.O.  is quite the character indeed.  I would call him a passive cat with odd tendencies.
He still charges into the kitchen when he hears the ice tray come out.  And I give him a large chip to play with.  And he does just that after staring at it for a bit.

                                                         "FEET FIRST!"

       More "Cat Tales" later..........

Thursday, December 19, 2013

You Have my Backside! Literally........by Diane Ogden

 Lucy decided to use her bravery card and jump up in Bob's usual spot.  BUT:  He was adamant at this decision and turned his back to us.  It was very clear what he was thinking.....

"Get outta my spot woman!"  (Poor Lucy)

Monday, December 16, 2013

Fifty Shots of Grey.........................by Diane Ogden

It truly isn't as bad as it looks!  And it looks bad (ass).  Bob in inside his tunnel on his Cat Tree.
He was playing with a hanging toy when I caught this killer look.

Sometimes Bob doesn't show facial expressions like some cats.  Although there are times he looks mean and others he looks content.  He is a rascal no doubt.

                               Lucy is above him on the ledge!

                                       Hey Mom!  Stop already...you got "fifty shots of grey already!"

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Bubby "THUD".............................by Diane Ogden

I realize this is not a photographers choice picture but take into consideration it is 7:00 a.m. Saturday morning.  I could have slept in but I was woke, awaken, woken, waked, (ha) awoken....wait!  I could have slept in accept I felt a constricted sensation.  I sat up in the still quite dark room considering the early hour of the day,  and saw the critters in a jealous move on my person.  Each never allows the other to get ahead in the area of "mama time." Grabbing my camera phone that felt whose lighted face felt the sun piercing my pupils in a sudden rush....I managed to turn the flash to "ON."  So this is rear viewing for you but for me it was face front of the rear runts.  After flashing several shots neither of them felt any need to move, probably because they are so used to me taking their pictures, so I just laid back down and tried to go to sleep.   That is when I heard the thud along with nails clutching the blanket clinging to life on the side of the bed.   Thank God it wasn't my leg!  I abruptly sat up at the same time saying,
"B O B!"   Yup, there he was sitting stunned on the floor several feet down.  (I have one of those high beds)  I slid down to the little stool and onto the floor.  Bent over and picked him up, sat him back on the bed.  He wasn't dead.

I have been concerned this would happen on the table where he lays by the laptop...but it went down in the bedroom on an early Saturday morning in the dark.

Poor Bubby.  He is too fat.  But he is okay.  Me on the other hand...I will survive and hopefully he wont fall out of bed tonight or tomorrow morning...  Maybe I need rails.  Or maybe I should merely scoot over to the middle of my Queen sized bed.  I just cant.  I sleep on the left side and that is the only place I can sleep.  I know because I have tried okay?  I just hope I didn't kick Bob off by accident.   Enough on the vet bills already!  

Time to clean for all the family coming for Christmas.  That's a joke, no one is coming.  Just Santa and me.  That is, when I find him, and then I am going to keep him! Ho, Ho, Ho!  

More "Cat Tales" later.  

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

O)LD POST I SAVED........... We made it thru Bob and me!! He's a keeper

Male Mammory Glands ..........by Diane Ogden (Written September 2013) OLD SAVED BLOG POST



So this Bob Ogden, now.  As I have written in "Cat Tales," came to me very sick last February.  I spent $600 getting him well.  He bit my granddaughter and caused family issues. He is jealous of my dog and my other cat who has sight issues so I must keep them separate which causes issues for me. He tries to bite my dog because I give the dog more attention.    I carry her around so he cannot reach her. Why have I not taken him to the "Humane" Society? Because they told me they cant adopt him out as he bites. So - Yuppers, I got me a sit-che-a-tion! What to do? IDK. I just cant kill him is all. How humane is that? He used to be so loving until he got well and thought I cared more about the dog, which caused jealousy biting. He doesn't bite often, just now and then randomly. Just like a human yet unable to reason this out or speak it out.  (He has since stopped biting unless you touch his humungous tummy)

I sincerely need that Cat whisperer fellow on the TV but I suspect he costs thousands. No I pretty much know it. I tried whispering Bob, Bob Benjamin, but he just looks at me like, "Ah actions speak louder then whispering lady!" I get it. I just do not know how to fix it. He needs a one animal one person home. And more activity considering he is humongous! I can hardly lift him and he has trouble jumping up on the sofa. Actually he is unable to jump onto the table. He has to do the chair first and then the table. He is very careful to jump down and actually it should be called clumps down.

I feel like his spirit is crumbling. He used to follow me everywhere, scampering behind me and almost tripping me. Now he has given up some. He knows the routine. In the spare room ALONE at night (I put TV on low so he isn't alone) In the morning I leave the other cat in my room and Buddy gets to be with me (and the dog) for three hours. Then he goes to my bedroom for the work day ALONE. When I get home the other cat has to go to my bedroom ALONE until bedtime so Buddy can be with dog and I for five hours. Then back to spare room for the night and so on. I guess he is alive and not sick anymore, yet fat and somewhat lonely. So what do I do? (No wonder he is pissed off)

Sorry this isn't very interesting. Guess this is a thorn in my side I must figure out somehow and I do believe there is way for a better life for my lil fat boy Bob Ogden.

When they ask me to donate on the key pad at the Pet Smart Store I quickly hit NO! I have done donated enough for many a year thank you. And p.s. he favors my dogs special diet food at $2.69 a can which should last for three days for the dog unless Bob gets his share when I''m not looking.

Maybe he's a classy cat after all and I just need to give him some more time to feel more secure and not bite anyone. Seems to be his forte. I cant spell that. I wonder if Google can tell what word I was going after there. I wonder if I even know for sure. No matter, you get it.

I think I am doing what they call, "Crying out for help?" Ya think! There is an answer and I shall find it. I will Google what Saint helps the needy animals, that's what I will do. I am not Catholic but I strongly believe in the Saints! Hey look at St. Jude and St. Christopher. They got it down. But I suspect there are some quieter Saints that got a good thing going too and I will find them.

Bob deserves a chance. Besides he is an expensive lil son of a something. He does love to play and just wants to be loved by one person, no other "beings" around to contend with and then the biting will stop. (He doesn't do it much, just random as I said) And what's with the humongous mammary glands on a guy cat? Seriously. Maybe he is a transvestite cat. Or maybe he is a gay cat? Hey I am just trying to figure it out okay? We, or I got an issue here, see? I am reaching out to the Universe, or facebook, or friends, or family, or God, or Buddha, or the Catholic Saints, for sakes sakes. I was going to say for God sakes, but I had already bypassed that one which my Lutheran brethren would faint over. Hey they have had wars over it so fainting over it means some evolvement has occurred. The Pope would care. Most don't care about Bob Benjamin Morrison Ogden, but I do. Later.....on a lighter note I am sure.


Monday, December 9, 2013

Do I Look Fat?..........................by Diane Ogden

"I can still get in this basket!"  I can tell that is what Bob is thinking.  I was watching him for about fifteen minutes as he sized up the situation.  The Basket.  As well as sizing up his own size.  He must know....you know, that he is obese.  And no I am no longer free feeding him.  He gets 1/3 jar of Gerber Ham baby food every morning. Lucy gets the other 2/3.  Then 1/4 bowl of dry hairball corrective food morning and night.  That's  it!

He is workin' it.  Workin' it.  Reminds me of the old days when I had to lay on my bed to get my jeans zipped up.  OMG glad those days are over.  Bob is still youthful and vain so I play along.

I do not know how he managed this.  He is fifteen pounds.  That basket is 8.5" x 15".  I would think he might get cramps.  I suspect cats don't get cramps as I heard no screaming like we humans do when cramps hit.

As I am typing this post he reaches over onto the keyboard  and cups my ring finger inside his paw.  You can see how he has cupped it with his claw holding on.  He is an amazing fat fellow.

More "Cat Tales" Later......

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Happy Cat....................by Diane Ogden

We as humans should all have the secure happy attitude Bob Benjamin Morrison Ogden has.  He gives joy and laughter.  He is soft and cuddly.  He is just needy enough. He is mischievous to the place of funny.  He is attentive as in following me everywhere including the bathroom. He sits in the shower on a rug (I leave for him)  and waits for me.  He watches me cook.  He sleeps with me.  He sits/lays next to my laptop and or PC whichever I am using  He is so secure, much more than I am.  What a guy.   I am blessed to have had him come into my life.  Even though I tried to give him away for months!!  Ssshh. I do not want him to know. There was a power greater than I that keep this mess going until I could see the forest for the trees or however that goes.  I always did pic the wrong men and let the right ones go.  This time I did it right.  Even though its "just" a cat.  I believe this one might be a blessed one.  I finally took on a positive rescue!  Either that or its merely my turn in the universal scheme of things.  More "Cat Tales" later....

That Evil Feline Woman!................by Diane Ogden

I just want to touch her.   I just want to chase her and catch her and bite her neck.  I just want her to like me.  And all she does is holler, scream,  hit me and scratch me.  Why?  Maybe I love her.  If she'd let me get closer I wouldn't try so hard and bite her and stuff.  I feel like I have to chase her everywhere to get any attention. I even follow her up onto Mom's counter....  Look what that got me?  Bee-atch- Lucy!

What's a guy to do? 

Thursday, December 5, 2013

See No Evil, Or Anything.....................by Diane Ogden

I have had several cats in my lifetime.  One that lived 19 years.  Another  I moved here from Texas and was a sweet friend for years....   But this one!!  This one is a little actor.  Little Actor Bob Benjamin Morrison Ogden!  Oh yeah.  Not one that can be trained for movies, but one that is a natural!  He seems to do poses everyday for mwah.  Some I cant get photos of because I am in them.
I need a head cam for this cat!  He loves to lay next to the laptop.  Of course its not because he wants to be close to me which is what I thought.....nope, its the heat coming from the vent.  I personally think he needs a kitty heating pad.  His best poses are next to the laptop under heated conditions.  Maybe I would also do special poses of my my life under heated conditions.  Okay, so that was R rated Bob blog.....or mama blog.  Fifty Shades of Mama.  No there is no sucha blog so do not get excited as there is no sucha blog.  Some of my friends may get upset over this and some excited.  I lead a well rounded life as you see.  But Bob B.M.O. is the coolest part of it at present. He makes me laugh.  He gives me a reason.  He loves my camera (I think).  Who is he anyway?  He is the only thing that came from the "funny farm" where I was raised that makes one hoot of sense.  What does that say?
I am just kidding right?
Bob is real.....
And he just wants some peace next to a warm laptop next to his new Mom! Works for me.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Culver's Chicken Cashew Salad..................by Diane Ogden

A couple times a month I purchase a Culver's Chicken Cashew Salad at $6.63 with F as in French just in case they give me R as in Ranch which has happened.  I get home and no dressing.  Lactose intolerant to the Ranch.  I get angry.  Dry salad no thank you.  Well it appears Bob Benjamin Morrison Ogden likes F as in French also.  I walked to the kitchen for a cold drink, turned around and he was in it.  I actually allowed it long enough to pic up the Samsung and flick the pic.  I think he was more curious than really into the heavy French dressing.
He is such a hoot!
More Cat Tales later.  Today he tried to help me fix the printer.  We were successful! Praise the Universe. 

Monday, December 2, 2013

Where Did That Name Come From? ........................by Diane Ogden

The name Bob Benjamin Morrison Ogden came from my family.  I was raised on a "funny farm."  You know, like the psychiatric floor at the local huge hospital.  Oh just kidding in case a fam member reads this and really believes it.  You can, but I would deny it to them.  (Like they don't know!) Back to Bob B.M.O.

My high school sweetheart was named Bob.
The love of my life was named  Bob.
One of my husbands was named Bob.
So that is why Bob is NOT named after any of them.
My best friends have a tiger cat named Bob Sullivan. That is who my Bob is named after.
When I decided to start a Bob blog for no particular reason except I am in need of creative outlets.....
Well, Bob just wasn't cutting it as a name for my blog.  So my mind went into immediate mojo and just said aloud,  Bob Benjamin Morrison Ogden.  
Benjamin is my deceased Father's middle name.
Morrison is my Southern Maternal Granddaddy.
Ogden is a name I have kept because my children carry it also.  But I would love to lose it.  Considering the second husband named Ogden was a womanizer, a peter pan, and a job and residence hopper.  A no security brainer.   So I changed my  name when I write but otherwise I am stuck with the dang thing.
I probably should not have stuck Bob with any of those names, come to actually think about it.
I do numerology and Bob adds up to a 10 which equals a 1.  Yes Bob likes to be number 1 indeed.  At night he curls up next to my chest and Gracie dog who also likes to be number one hugs my back.  I cant move!  Not so sure I like this competition over my sleeping area.
This is not a "Cat Tale."   This is an informational tid bit. LOL Who cares...
More Cat Tales coming.