Man Boobs .................. by Diane Ogden

 Bob decided he wanted to sit by me.  Since my Granddaughter moved in I don't sit at the table anymore with my laptop for Bob to lay by its heater.  The table is not in the dining room any longer, it is in the sun room.  The office is now in the ding room!  Bob jumped from a dresser three feet from the desk, made slide in landing and starting spreading out. Off went the lamp which I caught.  Next a legal pad and pens, and a speaker hit the floor before it was over.  Notice in the below photo he has his thinking face on.  As for the "man boobs" idk where they came from.  I do not feed him soy milk.  Could be GMO in his food?  Or the kitty milk I fed him daily when he was sooo sick last year.  At present he isn't overfed and I play laser with him where he goes in circles until he has had enough.  Trying to get a couple of those massive udders cut back some.  The blubber is uniform in consistency therefore I am not concerned about tumors...  Nope just a fat boy hangin out with me.  I have to be careful not to say it out loud.  No complexes needed around her.  Take care.  More cat tails later.

Goin' to the Chapel..................by Diane Ogden

I collect old wedding dresses.  I do not know why except they make me happy when I look at them.  Actually that is a strange comment considering I have lived through three personal wedding days which did not weather as well as the dresses. 

Back to my point. I laid one of the dresses on the loveseat, of course, and walked away doing whatever I was doing.  When passing the loveseat at a later time I caught a glimpse of "the little man," Bob, all nestled inside the beautiful gown.  He looked so comfortable and stately I grabbed the Samsung and clicked away.  And he let me!   I was going to try to maneuver the dress around him more but I figured I had been lucky enough to get this shot so I left him to his matrimonial dreams. 

I posted this photo on facebook where someone mentioned it should be framed.  Indeed I agreed and ordered a print for framing.  Bob isn't a George Clooney for sure.  He has short little legs, and a big belly, but he is a character and he photographs well.  Bob reminds me of the guy on Taxi....you know.....Danny De Vito!  Yup that's Bobbers alright. 

                                                                  
 

Bob's First Spring on Stratton Way........................by Diane Ogden

I opened the porch door this afternoon considering it was 55 degrees of which it has not been since last at least JUNE!!   When those two cats smelled the Spring Sun they hit the deck running. Well I don't have a deck but I wish I did.  Anyway it sounded better than they hit the porch running.

If you will look close, the indoor outdoor carpeting is FULL of the upstairs persons Christmas tree they left on their weenie (teenie) deck for months.  Half of it fell down onto my lovely carpeted porch.  The white dealie is my Victorian Swing sitting upside down waiting to be hung with love!  Instead it got initiated by Bob Benjamin Morrison Ogden who is sat underneath it for over an hour.  Not sure why.  Maybe he felt safe.

 

 This photo is of Bob trying to get into my bedroom window through the screen.  He could not figure out what I was doing and why he couldn't get to me. 

He was with me last year but he was so sick he didn't go outside until after Springtime.... And then only onto my porch which is enclosed by a baby net.  He and Lucy have not figured out they can jump over it.  And I didn't tell them!

I Think I Ate the Whole Thing!................by Diane Ogden

So here's the deal.  I was abandoned.  Thrown out of a car out on Taylor Lane in Stoughton, Wisconsin near an old farm.  I went to the door but no one answered.  So I went to the barn door, at least I think it was a barn 'cause it was big and I saw some little animals with fur and long tails wandering around.  I knew I had something similar on my body like that so I thought maybe I would fit in.  I was sooo scared and lost.  Where did my little friend go that I used to sleep with.  Where were my food bowls?  I was hungry and it was cold. Where was my soft round bed?   Somethings that were happening to me were really not normal.  Nothing was right or normal.  I went over to one of the long tails but she was mean and hissed at me.  I tried the other one but he was weird and more scared than I was.  I didn't see anything to eat anywhere in sight.  I didn't feel very good. Not good at all.  Day after day I didn't feel good at all.  I was hungry all the time and cold.  I had to fight for any food that was put out by the humans that lived there but I was so weak I couldn't fight anymore.  I just waited and hoped it would all stop being so bad. 
One day a pretty girl came to the farm.  She noticed me and talked to me.  She seemed to understand I was in trouble and hungry and sick.  She took me to a warm place where another human with no tail fed me and took me to another place where more humans fixed my sicknesses.  I ate and I ate and I ate for all the days I couldn't eat.  I never saw my old friend I used to sleep with.  I think maybe they couldn't take care of me so they dumped me out of their car far away from my home so I couldn't find my way back.  But I did find a way back.  And I have been taken care of very well.  I feel good every day except I got fat from being scared of having no food so I ate too much.  Darnit.  Now I cant jump or run as fast as I used to.  But I am safe, and I am well, and I am happy.  I hope you are too. 

Bob in a Bag...................by Diane Ogden

No new crazy Bob stories today.  He still runs to the kitchen when he hears the freezer door open for his small piece of ice to chase around. 

He still lays by the laptop heater on the dining room table that is not used for eating purposes.

He still torments Gracie Allen dog and Lucy Lou cat......  He is all boy!+

And he has found a new seat on my brand new bar stool.....which I have moved near the sunny window.  I think he has Seasonal Affect Disorder from this LONG winter.  Come Spring I think there will be some new and fun Bob Benjamin Morrison Ogden stories to share.  Looking for an apartment or Condo with a screened in porch. 

Watching for some new "Catales." 

The New Addition ....................by Diane Ogden

Something icky happened to me when I went to get my hair tweaked.  I had spent over two years growing it out from one of those god awful chop cuts the teens and some others get these days.  You know where pieces of hair just hang in all different lengths.  I am from an era of Romance.  Gorgeous locks of thick sensual hair.  No matter what age. 

Without saying too much in case the wrong person (who cut my hair) might read this,  I was so upset I went and self medicated by purchasing a very large. 6' paper mache, covered in leather, Giraffe I have since named Gerry.  Thank God he was on sale for a reasonable price...

I did take into consideration Bob BMO might attempt to climb said Gerry the Giraffe.  But the hairdo and loss of the long all one length two year growth was so overwhelming that I didn't care.  If Bob BMO wanted to find his way to Gerry's back and lounge there, fine.  Just no using him for a scratching tree. 

I got Gerry home but not without some trouble.  Putting a six foot Giraffe in a Honda CRV was a trick. 

Then getting him out and up the elevator was another trick.  With the help of the teeny tiny but strong neighbor girl, we got the job done.  And then I waited and watched for any signs of Bob deciding to pull animal world hierarchy on Gerry.  But Bob did nothing but stare at the monster in the sun room.  Maybe it's his inner primal ancestor "bit cat,"  feeling at home in our jungle room.

Bob and Barbie, A Love Hate Relationship...............by Diane Ogden

Most humans have experienced  the meaning of a love/hate relationship at some point in their lives.  Either with a relative such as a mother, sister, or husband, wife.   I personally do not believe the love/hate is in any way normal but it does exist more often than most realize.   Pretty much called dysfunctional as I recall. 

The Love/Hate dysfunction happened to Bob Benjamin Morrison Ogden as of last week.  Things had been going pretty level around here in terms of cat worlds anyway.  Then suddenly there it was before my eyes on his favorite spot on the dining room table next to his (laptop) heater. 

He had fallen for Barbie.  She wore a beautiful pink tutu adorned with full phase netting.  A tight pink sweater and her hair had been done in long blonde curls.  Bob hugged her for a long glorious awe struck half hour.  Well it seemed like it anyway. He was caressing her body while licking her neck so tenderly and with amorous adoration. He held her gently with his eyes closed and all four paws. His tail gently moved gently swaying as if to signal his intentions. 

And then something happened.  I think it was when he noticed she was not responding to his affections that his ears went back and his nails came out and her hair went everywhere like the scene from an electric storm.  The rejection from deep within his soul came pouring out like a dam whose gates just opened in the springtime with the raging waters swirling in every direction.  It was a horrible sight to behold.  I was about to intervene when he tossed her off  his table like distasteful garbage.  He then majestically sat up peering off the edge down upon her dead still body. It reminded me of the National Geographic specials when the lion kills the zebra.  And he wasn't finished.  Oh God he wasn't finished yet.  He plunged downward lying next to her.  I heard a faint sound coming from him so I drew closer.  Yes, he was moaning his loss.  He then reached out to her like he was calling her back from the dead.  His paw gestured as to speak how sorry he was and how much he had loved her.  But she did not move.  He waited breathlessly.  Nothing.  

Then he just got up and walked away as if to say,  "All in a days play!"

More Cat Tales later........